There is something as dangerous and lethal as incest, molestation, sexual abuse, and abuse in general that is wreaking havoc in Samoa and the world.  Adultery.  Yes, let’s talk about it.  I am not afraid to talk about the hard issues.  This is not a disease, it is a choice by many and done publicly while the last person to ever find out, is the faithful spouse. It is a choice that destroys trust, family, mental health, and safety and is a direct attack on the family unit created by God.  Whether you are a believer or not.  

The first thing that happens in long-term extramarital affairs, isn’t the sex.  That is the last part.  The first thing that happens is communicating, slowly at first then talking to each other every day during work, texting, and messaging via social media, emails, Facebook messenger, encrypted messages on WhatsApp, Viber, and other apps that the faithful spouse is not a part of.  Technology has exasperated this today.   Then, there is riding in the same car, dropping the “colleague” or “friend” off after work, flirting, and drinking at work functions and social groups without the wife or husband.   

Slowly and surely, share intimate details about your marriage and complain about the faithful spouse. All the while sneaking around, lying to the spouse about their work schedule and whereabouts.   There is constant lying and badmouthing of the faithful spouse. There is disagreement, arguments, and many fights created to distract the faithful spouse from the truth. The lies that are created to justify cheating comes naturally to these adulterers. Whether the third party is married or not, under the Samoa and Christian law, both are committing adultery.   There is constant manipulation and enjoying the cat and mouse, chase and catch games, careful planning, and scheduling so they keep it on the low and never get caught.

As these affairs continue, they become so confident in themselves and their little games that they begin to do it publicly while other people listen and see.  The boundaries are blurred, and they might also take photos and videos of themselves.  Reminders of their “love” for each other that they can keep and watch repeatedly. Samoa is a small place, and this is so normal.  Why? 

Why not divorce your faithful spouse if you think the grass is greener on the other side? Why lie and sneak around like a five-year-old child with their hand in a cookie jar? Why put the faithful person at the end of a rope thinking you are doing them a favour by hiding the affairs? 

Many unfaithful people do not just have one affair throughout their marriages, they have many.  For sex addicts and alcoholics, it will be a mixture of one-night stands, short- and long-term affairs, and a more dangerous kind of cheating with no regard for the physical health or safety of their spouses.   Sexually transmitted diseases or unwanted pregnancies are the last thing on their minds when lust, physical pleasure, and instant gratification take over.  

How about we normalise being faithful spouses? How about normalising being honest to the person you chased, accepted, dated, confessed your undying love to, proposed to, married, had children, and built a life with? We can blame childhood trauma, abuse, the other spouse’s behaviour, and whatever led to infidelity but at the end of the day, cheating is a choice.  

Samoa is a small place, yet so much unfaithfulness happens here.  We live like pagans and go to church on Sunday acting holier than thou. Those who refuse to be accountable for their actions and choices.  Those who prey on others and pretend to be someone else so they can use and abuse good people.  They do not stop at just one victim just like predators who molest, rape, and prey on vulnerable girls, young boys, and women.  They move on to the next victim until caught.  They continue if they are never caught.

While we enjoy the parties and the nice get-togethers, make sure we remain faithful to our spouses and children.   Remember the children because when one cheats, it’s not just the spouse that you divorce in the end, it’s your children too.  Make better choices.  Enjoy the rest of the week Samoa.