I am convinced that you cannot truly know someone even after living with them for more than fifty years. We can know about a person, we can study a person but we cannot completely understand a person.

Everyone has their own secrets, their own hidden truths, unbearable personality traits and stories that can’t be shared. Some even live completely double lives, living one way with their family and a completely different person to another in a parallel life.

They are one person in public but behind closed doors, their true nature roams freely without any boundaries or respect.

Humans are complex beings, people will fail you sometimes. Those closest to you aren’t always who you think they are.

Predictably feels good to most people. It is like a security net. If we expect something from someone, we hope they’ll do it. You want to be able to assume that your spouse, family or friends will respond to specific circumstances in specific ways and that you’ll able be able to count on them. Reliability is important for healthy, stable relationships.

People have the capacity to change and sometimes we need to, especially for the better. Everyone is capable of good change but it would require honesty, accountability and trying every day. Humans are also amazing beings having sound minds, well most of us. That we are able to adapt, take on new challenges, meet different goals and even change some personality traits if we want to. However this is a controversial idea because many people think that personality is fixed in adulthood. Sometimes this isn’t the case.

However if you accept this idea then it will help you avoid going from one disappointment to another. ‘People change because your life experiences can change you and because life sometimes puts you in situations where you have to rethink things and maybe even re-build yourself. There is learning in every opportunity.

Getting to know someone well includes:

1. Asking genuine questions and questions that can further the conversation. These are all skills that we must have in order to have good relationships.

2. Actively listen to the answers and not selective listening.

3. Accepting the awkwardness of the first or second conversations. Think about your courtship or dating time. Two strangers coming together and just beginning to know each other. As days turn into weeks, weeks to months, years, you get to know each layer and know each other well enough.

4. Be honest. Don’t be a cliche but really ask valuable questions and be prepared for hard, controversial, honest answers. Agreement is not the aim of communication, it is understanding.

5. Be present and really understand each other.

Some fun questions to begin these conversations:

1. What’s your favourite place on Earth?

2. What makes you unique?

3. Would you rather be ….?

4. If money wasn’t an issue, what would you be doing with your time?

5. Tell me a funny story about anything in your life.

6. Your favourite way to relax..

7. The most difficult thing you’ve had to go through.

8. Who do you value the most?

Start an awesome conversation today, get to know someone new. Remember that strangers become good friends with a single hello. It is never too late to make friends or work on yourself. Life is about taking chances and learning. Have a good week Samoa!