Dear Editor,

If you missed the Deputy Prime Minister’s press conference today (Friday), consider yourself blessed. It was like watching an episode of Who Dares Devil, except no one won anything, least of all the public.

From the moment he started, it was clear this wasn’t going to be your ordinary Q&A. No, this was a full-blown spiritual experience. Between dropping God’s name every five minutes and blaming the devil for who knows what, the Deputy PM seemed more like a televangelist than a politician. All that was missing was a donation hotline at the bottom of the screen. And when the tough question finally came from TV1 about the alleged $100,000 payment to Tuilioma to withdraw a petition, you could almost hear the air being sucked out of the room. But instead of answering, he decided to take a stroll down memory lane: “Didn’t you say we’re family?” Umm, hello, what does that even mean?

So, reporters can’t ask questions if they’re “family”? Is the new rule that journalists must sign up for a loyalty program before the press conference starts?

Maybe next time he’ll hand out family discount cards for 10 per cent off tough questions and 100 per cent off accountability.

The way he glared at the media, you’d think asking questions was a mortal sin. Every answer was a dodge, every dodge wrapped in a sermon and yet somehow, we were the ones being lectured. By the end, I wasn’t sure if I’d watched a political briefing, a revival meeting, or the trailer for a new reality show - makua oka lost lava.

Umi Fuimaono