If one of your children came to you and honestly say that they don’t want children? Not now and not in the future despite your encouragement and threats? How would you take this  revelation? Would you tell them to stop being silly and to not entertain such nonsense? That  they will change their minds when they find their one true love? That their spouse would refuse to be with them if they knew his or her feelings towards children?  

There are couples who want kids but cannot have kids, then there are those who are able to  have children but don’t want to. Talking about this openly with your children and family should be normal. However, we live in a society and culture that refuses to accept anything  different from what we know and experience.  

The societal pressure on women to work and have children is high. Take our Prime Minister as an example. Pun intended. She’s never been married and does not have children. She has dedicated her whole life to serving this country and her family. Her focus in politics  is unwavering and she doesn’t have to explain her choices to anyone. 

Oh, I am sure there have been many comments about her choices throughout her career and how she should leave a legacy behind. As if having children is the only way to do that. There are millions of cool childless aunts who care for their nieces just like their mothers, looking out for their welfare and future. 

One journalist interviewed over 500 women about why they chose not to have  children. Interestingly, women were more concerned about overpopulation and not having enough resources. I resonate with this, even though I plan to have one more baby.  

Some were more specific in their approach and that they were anxious about pregnancy, body changes and recovery. Most didn’t want to bring a child into a world where they went through bullying, broken homes, being teased about their looks, and not being able to give  enough attention or love towards that child because of their own experiences growing up.  

Others have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and physically cannot have children. It’s the emotional side that is more common with women deciding not to have children. Many who suffer from anxiety, depression, eating disorders and prioritising their careers over parenting do not want children.  

It’s uncommon in Samoa to hear women honestly say they do not want children. Some of us  have children because we “have to”, some are given ultimatums to conceive at a certain due date. Have you ever been to a wedding where the cards do not say “Ia fua tele le niu?” or one where the couple straight after the wedding are asked continuously by relatives or strangers on when, not if they’re having a baby? Then after having the first baby, they’re  expected to have another one or two? 

Imagine the look on the in-laws faces if the bride just said that she doesn’t want kids, not  now, not ever. Wow. Imagine the reaction. They might even take her back to the pastor and ask for an annulment straight away. The horror. 

“Children are expensive and sticky. I want to travel the world and home ownership here will  not be possible if I have any children. I love being a fun aunt and the idea of giving birth is  terrifying to me. It’s a huge responsibility and if I have a kid and regret it later on, there’s not much I can do. I hate the sound of babies crying and I am happy in my relationship with my partner. I want it to remain that way. No kids. I love sleeping and freedom too much. Some  people want kids and some people don’t. Neither choice is better than the other. I just  happen to be one of those people who doesn’t want to be a mother. It’s about high time  society started supporting women in whatever we decided is best for our bodies, lifestyles and dreams’ (Sloss, 2022) 

We see our children as blessings and they are. They bring us much joy and laughter, colourful words when they are being naughty and fuel passionate debate between parents when they disagree on certain issues. Wherever you stand, it’s something that more and more women  or couples are deciding today. Enjoy the rest of the week Samoa and remember COVID-19 is still  out there. Remember your mask and social distancing.