White Sunday is finally here and I hope you make today about your children and young people in your life if you do not have children. A niece or nephew will always appreciate the awesome aunt or uncle who love them and encourage them. So, don’t pass a chance of pouring into another young person. This is not limited to giving money or presents but your time. Quality time, just talking and being in the same space does a to make young people feel important.

Our culture is one of giving, one of service, one of expectation and obligation. A friend suggested I talk about funerals this week. A bleak topic for a White Sunday celebration perhaps, but one worth discussing along with many other things that involve the giving, service, expectation and obligation.

Our Christian principles are clear when it comes to giving and loving others: Love others as you love yourself and love God with all your being. Love your enemies, do good to them and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. I wish the giving part was as simple as memorising this for your White Sunday tauloto but it’s not.

Giving means sacrificing something that could have benefited you and your family to someone else. It means you’ll have to wait another fortnight to buy your list and giving it to a family funeral or wedding instead. The act of giving means, something will have to wait in its place. You are giving with the intent of meeting someone else’s needs other than your own. Focussing on the value of the gift rather than the compensation to follow will make it easier. Giving wrapped in love will even be best. Alofa protects, guides and is honest. This honesty also means knowing your limit and your family’s if you are the matai.

If you are the head, you will protect every other part of your family. You will guide and know how much each should give according to their ability not yours alone. You will carry that relative through when they are the grieving family and the pressure is on them to perform, to fork out thousands for a funeral that no one will remember in the next three months as they move onto the next funeral.

Oh, it won’t be easy. Believe me. There is a difference in giving because you live in abundance and giving because of sharing. You will not become Mother Teresa overnight but there should be peace before, during and after the giving. This isn’t usually experienced during Samoan funerals. Most people have expectations because this has become somewhat of a norm to our people.

I’ve been to a relative’s funeral that had the other side of the family actually stand there and count the number of chicken boxes and pusa pisupo. Just in case the boxes are not all there. There is shameless expectation not only in returning the financial help given but also food and even a thank you card at the end. Why do we do this? When did we become a culture of expectation and comparison? When did we become so insensitive to those who are already grieving for their loved ones? Before the dead is buried, people are already fighting about who stole the fat envelope for the faifeau and who should be given what. Which pastor didn’t get the biggest respect in terms of fine mats, boxes of food and floral speech. Oh, they’ll even murmur about the seating like it’s a wedding feast!

Once you see that giving in love and meeting a need is more than the expectation, you’ll find delight in helping others. See giving as opportunities to help those who don’t usually ask or expect your help. It’s the coming together of families to give what they can without fear of comparison or competition. Do you remember the fiasco of the last family funeral you were involved in?

As we enjoy another peaceful Sunday Samoa, let’s remember that giving with a cheerful heart is always blessings in return. Giving without expectations should guide us regardless of the event or faalavelave. Become a giver and not a taker. Give because it’s a need; not out of pride, boasting of how much you have and can throw away. The best givers are thoughtful, understanding and they know their reward is not from people.