Lost and abandoned

Trying to find release

My smile an enemy of my soul

My eyes a continual waterfall

My heart is gone

With one far off from me

Thoughts of love that was hoped to be

Shattered at every moment of wake

Mouths disfigured in laughter and mockery

Pointing, judging, name calling

All sorts of torture and betrayal

All devastating and painful blows

Days stretch on and on

Yet years pass so fast

And year after year

The pain grows with me

Every single night I scream out

“Someday,

I’ll find relief and then I’ll be

No longer a mistake.”

I remember a time when things were peaceful.  Friends seemed more like friends and the world still had its mysteries and wonders for me to discover.  Today, I now see and experience things differently than I did before.  I guess you can say that I woke up from the illusion and dream of childhood.  My perception of life and the world I spend it in seems more ‘robot’ and ‘preplanned’.  I don’t feel complete; I don’t feel satisfied; I don’t feel…alive?  It may not make sense to some but that’s how I feel.

What makes it worse is that my perception and perspective of people has changed.  Where I once saw friend I now see foe and the way I thought people saw me just seems more like a hoping rather than a realization.  Where I thought people admired I now see they despise.  Happiness has now become misery; goodness has become evil; light is no more and darkness is in its place.  So my big list of friends and possible acquaintances has been devoured by this new harsh perception of life, leaving nothing but a short list of uncertainties.

I thought that when I grow and learn that my perspective must too, but only recently have I figured out that I was horribly wrong.  Your perspective is your perspective.  It’s just like a part of your body and just like a body part it can be controlled to better us.  You can say it’s part of being human to be controlled by ‘a rouge’ perceptive; the ‘Natural Man’ in all of us.

I remember a scripture that fits so perfectly with this that comes from a book in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints.  The book is called, The Book of Mormon.

The scripture is found in one of its inner books called Mosiah.  There are fifteen inner books altogether with Mosiah being the eighth book.  The books in order are:  1 Nephi, 2 Nephi, Jacob, Enos, Jarom, Omni, Mormon, Mosiah, Alma, Helaman, 3 Nephi, 4 Nephi, Mormon, Ether, and Moroni. (If you aren’t part of my church, feel free to contact me through email if you have any question about The Book of Mormon.  My email is [email protected] and in just case, you can also reach me by phone.  Here are the numbers: 7229342, 7733478, and 31698. ☺)

So the scripture is found in Mosiah 3:19 (Chapter 3, Verse 19) and it goes like this: 

“For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

So let us not forget to be like how a child sees the world.  You’ll be happier, more complete and satisfied with the perception of love and humility directing your life.  So learn to see things through the eyes of a childhood fantasy and you’ll be amazed at the wonders and mysteries that lie in wait for you.