Head on my pillow
Heart in slow-mo
My emotions are blended
I’m happy yet depressed
I feel love but rage continues to grow
Confidence is in my chest but I shake with fear
I’m overwhelmed with excitement
So why do I feel like throwing up?
On my feet
Out the door
I walk on my own for a while
Life speeds by me
But I’m in no rush
I know I’m alright but it’s threatened by doubt
My path is clear but I’m stuck at a stand still
I hear encouragement mixed with its enemy
I stand by friends yet I feel so utterly alone
Proud and protected; but alone
On my knees
I cry for no reason
I let it all out
Tears run down my raw skinned face
Yet I don’t feel the pain
I blink them away and put on a smile
I hide my true feelings
But everyone already knows
Change is not something that I look forward to at any point in life. To upset one flow in my life and shift to another entirely different one is not very easy for me. I love having my own way and style because that’s just how I live my life, or rather try to live my life. But one of the main reasons why I dislike change is because I always find something that makes me want to cry; like leaving friends to live somewhere farther away, losing something that I don’t what to be without, and most of the time, going into and facing the unknown. And in a few weeks I will face the beginning of one of the biggest changes in my life so far; COLLEGE!
Like the poem, I’m full of mixed emotions. I am excited to further my education overseas but I’m also nervous to the point of panic. Questions keep coming back to me again and again as if someone were asking me them; Are you ready for this? Are you sure this is the right time? Will you be able to do this on your own if needed? What if something happens and everything falls apart? How will you cope? Are you ready for this change?
Honestly, I have no answer for any of these questions. But I know one thing for sure; life is not meant to be lived in your comfort zone, and I know this is way out of mine. A few words that have never left my mind since the beginning of this adventure were the words ‘Bring it on.’
Moving on from my home in Samoa is going to be hard but I know it’s for a good reason. But like the poem says, I can’t help but tear up a little when I think about leaving this all behind for two years and of the trials and several changes that await me in the states. One thing that really helped me to feel comfort in this was a scripture found in the bible. The scripture is in Psalm Chapter 23 starting at verse 4 and continuing on until the end of the chapter; and it goes like this:
“4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of
the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for
thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the
presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my
head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life: and I will dwell in the
House of the Lord forever.”
I hope everyone, when faced with a challenging change, will face it head on and make the most of such a change.
As the great words go, “Come what may and love it.”
And who knows, one day you may find that moving on from something isn’t so hard to do anymore.
Note to readers: Today’s column will be the last one from Layton before he goes overseas to college. We would like to thank Layton for his regular thought-provoking columns and we wish him well.