I hate this feeling
Where I can’t cry when I’m sad
I want to but am unable
Maybe because my emotions are focused elsewhere
I think of what could have been
And that haunts me
And all I can think of is the same words over and over
Why didn’t you…
Look at you now…
To what could’ve been
Until my next dream
Have you ever had that time in your life where you met a trial and problem that really seemed completely and utterly alone? And along the way to find a solution to this problem you just seem to hit road block after road block of more problems? And it just feels like an exhausting rollercoaster that you can never get off of? Well, I certainly and most assuredly have and I can tell you that it is not something you forget.
But my trial didn’t happen long ago or a few years back; mine happened just in these past few weeks. The problem I faced was finding a way to make it to college overseas. At the beginning of my college preparations, I felt very excited and confident about all that I had done and so I never once thought that I would face something as devastating as I did. Some road blocks that I found ranged from financial difficulties, where I would be staying, to finding a job and so on. They just seemed to pile higher and higher as I progress in my preparation and finally I hit a point where I realized that I might not be able to go to college until long after I had planned.
Afterwards, I had a moment where my thoughts betrayed me and I began to doubt and panic. I then turned my thoughts to my friends who were at the same stage I was in preparing for further education. Suddenly I realized that most of them had been successful in what they had planned and were off on their adventure, leaving me in the dust.
I wanted to cry and scream out loud. Why was this happening to me? What have I done to deserve this harshness? Where were my angels to guide and direct me? Where was my Lord to help me? What do I do now?
In my moment of defeat and despair I felt it appropriate to offer a pray and plead with the lord to help me and tell me what I was supposed to do. Then my eyes seemed to turn to a little wooden plaque that my older brother owned before he left to live in New Zealand. I decided to read the words on the plaque simply because I didn’t know what else to do. And what I found was a small story entitled, “Footprints.” What I read there brought tears to my eyes.
The story goes like this:
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.”
The Lord replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
At that instant, I knew that it was going to be okay; I knew that I was not forgotten.
So that is my reminder to you. When in time of trial and suffering, remember that there is someone out there who has not forgotten you, waiting to catch you when you fall.