What if?

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Layton Lolo

Dear younger me

Where do I start?

If I could tell you everything

That I have done so far

Then you could be

One step ahead

Of all the painful memories

Still running through my head

I wonder how much different

Things would be

If I was able to help you

Dear younger me

Dear younger me

I cannot decide

Do I give some speech of about how

To get the most out of your life?

Or do I go 

Deep

And try to change the choices that you made

Cause their the choices that made me

Even though 

I love this crazy life

Sometimes I wish

It was a smooth ride

Dear younger me

It’s not your fault

You were never meant

To carry this so far

Dear younger me

I thank you

For all the things that you did

For all that you’ve been through

I realize now

I am what I am meant to be

I am the product of myself

And I love this version of me

Do you regret your past life?  Do you regret your youth?  Are you haunted by the choices that you have made in your life?  Do you wish that you could do it all over again, only this time you’d do it the right way?  If so, then stop now.  I regret a lot of things but I would never change them no matter how much I am ashamed.

Sometimes in life, we often make mistakes, and some mistakes that we make turn out worse than others.  The natural response to such shame and regret is to wish to have a second try or another chance. 

In the years that I have lived, I have learned that life is not meant to go as planned because that’s not how it works.  Life is meant to try, test, frustrate, mock, and most often annoy us until we want to scream.  But it’s also there to help us learn, grow, evolve, and the best one, to live.

One song does come to mind by the country artist Darius Rucker called “This”.  

The lyrics go like this:

“Got a baby girl sleepin’ in my bedroom

And her momma laughing in my arms

There’s a sound of rain on the rooftop

And the game’s about to start

I don’t really know how I got here

But I’m so glad that I did

And it’s crazy to think that one little thing

Could have changed all of this

Maybe it didn’t turn out like I planned

Maybe that’s why I’m such, such a lucky man

For every stoplight I didn’t make

Every chance I did or I didn’t take

All the nights I went too far

All the girls that broke my heart

All the doors that I had to close

All the things I knew but I didn’t know

Thank God for all I missed

‘Cause it led me here to this

Like the girl that I loved in high school

Who said she could do better

Or the college I wanted to go to

Till I got that letter

All the fights and the tears and the heartache

I thought I’d never get through

And the moment I almost gave up

All led me here to you

I didn’t understand it way back then

But sittin’ here right now

It all makes perfect sense

Every stoplight I didn’t make

Every chance I did or I didn’t take

All the nights I went too far

All the girls that broke my heart

All the doors that I had to close

All the things I knew but I didn’t know

Thank God for all I missed

‘Cause it led me here to this

Oh I cried when my momma passed away

And now I got an angel

Looking out for me today

So nothing’s a mistake

Every stoplight I didn’t make

Every chance I did or I didn’t take

All the nights I went too far

All the girls that broke my heart

All the doors that I had to close

Everything I knew but I didn’t know

Thank God for all I missed

‘Cause it led me here to this

It led me here to this”

I love this song.  I love how he sees the importance in the choices he has made, the things he has missed, and the things that have happened to him and he thanks the Lord for blessing him with the outcome of them all.

So it’s okay to regret, because then that motivates you to learn, to grow, and never do that again. 

It’s okay if you have made mistakes, it’s okay if you haven’t had the greatest past, it’s even okay if you want to change it all, but understanding that all that has happened to you since the time you were born until this moment is all part of living and better things are ahead.

I used the title “What if?” because that is the question I want to ask. 

What if you had the chance to change the past?  What if you could correct ever wrong you have done?  What if it were possible?  What would you do?

Personally, I would go back in time and tell my younger self, “Keep up the good work!”

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